I'm totally torn here between titling this post "Shopping at BJs", and "Shopping and BJs" but I haven't decided yet

Twentysome years ago, I went clothes shopping with a girlfriend of mine, and when we happened upon a popular women's clothing store, which was having a huge sale, I was shocked by the behavior, not just of my girlfriend, but by all the women in the store. All sense of propriety and generally accepted social graces such as waiting one's turn or saying "excuse me" had disappeared faster than the clothes they were fighting over.

And then more recently, going to the kids clothing sale at St. Matthews School just down the street from us, where thousands of articles of kids' clothing and toys are for sale, I was reminded of it, but this time, not so much in terms of the lack of good graces, but by the way, I, a male, was totally ignored, given no more attention than were any of the wee ones tearing around the premises. Women looked right through me, and I had a number of reactions.

My first reaction was kind of shock, as in, Damn, I haven't seen that look since high school! Then, I was sort of retroactively flattered that I had gone so long without seeing that look. And finally, I realized what women must feel the first time they go to watch their boyfriend play in any kind of sporting event, no matter how unimportant it is...to her. It's not to us, whether it's a pickup hockey game or the championship of whatever league or sport we're playing. I imagine women must feel totally dissed by their boyf's, wondering why he won't even acknowledge her presence in any way, and why he is acting like an absolute maniac, as if the future of all humankind rests on the outcome of the game, which of course, it does. (And let me quickly add that in the unfortunate instance where at any point, during the game, or right after. or even days after, the woman were to make the unfortunate comment "It's just a game!"? Well, don't even expect a ride home. That relationship is immediately terminated. You might as well just be on the phone to the local cab company while you're making the comment.)

And notice I didn't say "...the first time they go watch their husband play in any kind of sporting event."? To me, there are two things that women do for their men on a regular basis when they are dating, but seem to quickly disappear once they are married.

And if you don't know the other thing...well then, you've never been married. And it's totally true in my marriage - I SWEAR she hasn't packed my lunch since the day we got married.

And of course the benefit of having alzheimers? Being able to hide your own Easter Eggs

I was also thinking driving home, which along with when I'm in the shower and sitting on the toilet, the times when I do my best thinking, about a post I could put on here and then wondering if I'd ever written it on here before, which made me think that maybe the one positive about having a blog is that I'll have proof some day of whether I have Alzheimers. I can just look to see if I'm posting the same thoughts over and over.

That's assuming I'd want to know.

Wanna have lunch...or dinner...or sex?

Driving home tonight, it struck me that those two previous posts may seem contradictory, first writing about various women I imagine myself having sex with and then saying that I don't find myself wanting to have sex with any other women than my wife (hmmm...not sure I mentioned that part).

I guess the best I can do to explain the difference is by saying that I think people generally have fantasies that we don't necessarily hope ever come true. And if you don't, well, first, I don't believe you and second, I don't believe you've closely examined the deepest and funnest recesses of your imagination....yet. I'm sure you'll get to it when you're maybe too late to do anything about it.

And I didn't want to interrupt myself in that first sentence above, but isn't "have sex" about the weirdest expression? Like I'll have a hoagie, or I'd like to have a nap, except those are nouns. To "have sex"...what else can you have, as a verb? I guess like wanting to "have fun". I guess that's not so bad. Just sounds weird.

Something tells me this is of way more interest to me than it would be to anyone else, but as usual that won't stop me from posting it here

...and on the subject of sex with other women now that I'm married (read the post below first if you need some context, tho it isn't too important), I think often of the scene in When Harry Met Sally, no not THAT one involving "what she's having", the one...well, this one:

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.



Sally Albright: Why not?


Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.


Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.


Harry Burns: No you don't.


Sally Albright: Yes I do.


Harry Burns: No you don't.


Sally Albright: Yes I do.


Harry Burns: You only think you do.


Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?


Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.


Sally Albright: They do not.


Harry Burns: Do too.


Sally Albright: They do not.


Harry Burns: Do too.


Sally Albright: How do you know?


Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.


Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?


Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.


Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?


Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.


Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.


Harry Burns: I guess not.


Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

That scene. I have referred to that scene to various young women, well, primarily just my oldest step-daughter who didn't believe me that "Harry Burns" was right when she was in high school, but by the time she was out of college, to her credit, did finally agree with me.
 
But the reason I refer to it here is in the perspective of an old, well soon-to-be 54 year-old, but happily-married fart such as myself in terms of havng women friends, and yet again, relying on the so far-boundless forgiveness of my wife.
 
I have many female friends, some of them very attractive, in fact some of them extremely sexy/attractive/shall I go on? and it struck me the other day how my view of them has changed. I really have no interest in any sense of physical interaction with them. Now, I know women are going to read this and say, well, duh, you're married, you're not allowed to, so of course you don't want to, but that's missing the entire point of Harry's spiel above.
 
Harry's point, and thus to a large extent, mine as well, is that we are biologically incapable of not thinking in those terms, or at least from an early age, probably starting at least at puberty, but maybe earlier, that is to not think of women as a conquest of some sort, as my 20's-something beach house buddies used to put it, calling ourselves Conquistadors, of course.
 
But anyway, back to today, or these days, not specifically today, as if it'll be different come Tuesday, I still find myself wanting the attention of attractive women, or even of their being attracted to me. I still want the most attractive young woman in any given seminar or conference to sit next to me, or in my breakout session, and I still look far too long at good-looking women walking down the street, the less they're wearing, the better. But to imagine hooking up with them, if they were to come on to me? I just don't find myself thinking that way anymore.
 
And honestly, it's a pretty big relief.

My advice to you if you want to fall asleep though, is just to think about how you felt when reading this entry...zzzz

Considering my awesome wife is one of the few people who reads this blog on purpose, that is, without first googling some variation of the word "sex" or "sex on amurica", as one person in the Middle East did to get here (see earlier post) , I'm probably ill-advised to write this here, but she's a forgiving sort and I hope she still will be after reading this.

I recently realized that when I wake up late at night and can't get back to sleep, which I understand happens more and more the older one gets, that a surefire way for me to fall asleep very, very quickly, I mean 100% of the time, within mere seconds, is to imagine sex with a particular woman. And I don't mean one person in particular, I mean, like pick out any woman I am even remotely attracted to, and start to imagine our hooking up, and every single time, even before we get a stitch of clothing off (have you ever really tried to take off just a stitch of clothing?!), I'm soundly snoozing.

Now here are my questions for you gals out there:

1 - If a guy told you that and that he was thinking of you, would you be:
   a - creeped out that a married guy was thinking of you that way?
   b - flattered that he would think of you that way?
   c - depends on who the guy is?
Or are you:
2 - outraged that he would fall asleep when imagining the two of you together?
3 - wondering how Cheryl has stayed with me for so long, or at least, once she's read this?
4 - glad YOUR guy would never do a thing like this?
5 - a guy and you find yourself oddly intrigued by the concept?
6 - glad for the advice and can't wait to try it?
7 - if you're a married guy, do you wonder if I'm thinking of your wife?
8 - and if so, are you:
  a - proud?
  b - ready to punch me out?
  c - oddly intrigued by the concept?

A different slant on a Quaker Education

I've often bemoaned my inability, seemingly honed to perfection, to stay focused on a speaker such as my college professors, or in professional seminars, and the resulting lack of absorption of the things they are trying to teach me. But I have to admit, though with more embarrasment than pride, that the talent has come in handy when listening to the opening sentences of some of the messages I hear in Quaker Meeting on any given First Day.

To think all those years when I was alone, I didn't realize what I really wanted was a shopoholic.

I'll bet I'm not the first one to make this observation, but when one compares women to men, as I seem to do on this site way out of proportion to how much time I spend the rest of my life thinking about it, it seems to me that shopping and sex illustrate in parallel ways how we are different.

Men know what they want and often are very eager to get it over with. They want to get in and out as quickly as possible. Women want to take their time, and enjoy making it last as long as possible.

Though of course one big difference is how much each of us seems to be willing to spend on it.

Have you ever started off the day with a Bang?

Never am I more aware of the affects of what testosterone does to a man, than after sex in the morning, when I then go out into the brightness of day, and find myself incredibly contented, but also void of any sense of nervous energy or any false sense of power. All just feels right with the world, and it's hard to keep a smile off my face.

Of course, it may be true at night too, but by the time I might figure it out, I'm asleep.

Hey it's Veterans Day week - time for a salute!

My letter in today's Daily Local News:

A salute to Democrats and Obama - dailylocal.com

The comments afterwards are always entertaining, and are rarely anything but mean, angry and apoplectic.

Or maybe it's just because Nancy Pelosi is for it that I'm against it

Lest anyone think I am in lockstep with Dems on all things political, and against anything the Rs are for, this will surprise you. President Obama's deficit reduction commission released their preliminary report today and, well, here is a NY Times summary:

"A draft proposal released Wednesday by the chairmen of President Obama’s bipartisan commission on reducing the federal debt calls for deep cuts in domestic and military spending starting in 2012, and an overhaul of the tax code to raise revenue. Those changes and others would erase nearly $4 trillion from projected deficits through 2020, the proposal says.
The plan would reduce projected Social Security benefits to most retirees in later decades — low-income people would get higher benefits — and slowly raise the retirement age for full benefits to 69 from 67..."

And Nancy Pelosi immediately called it "unacceptable" and all the unions and liberal groups I get emails from, jumped in just as quickly shooting it all down.

I actually love the plan - what I know of it so far anyway, since all the details have yet to be announced.

Welcome Bra? (yawn) Detachable 2-piece miniskirt?! (Zzzz) Wait just one minute - It's got MAGNETS?!

Another beaut of a post on Huffington Post today:

Japanese Company Creates Welcome Bra For Tourists

"Yes, it's come to this. Japanese company Triumph has created a "Welcome Bra" to create a visual aid to show tourists where famous landmarks are in the country, according to Reuters.



Japan aims to attract 15 million tourists by the end of 2013--think this might entice people to come?"

(Not all people, just men who either like to look at women wearing only bras...or men who like to wear them.)

 The undergarment comes with a detachable two-piece skirt with magnets of noted Japanese sites like Mount Fuji. And so much more!

(Talk about missing the lede...Yo, Reuters...it has a detachable skirt!)

Only thing we do know is that most tea-baggers would be more excited thinking about Karl Rove than about masturbating on Christine O'Donnell

This was a recent headline on Huffington Post that probably got a lot of clicks: Christine O'Donnell Talks Karl Rove, Witches, Masturbation On Leno.


I just wonder if this headline would get way more or way fewer clicks: Jay Leno Talks Karl Rove, Witches, Masturbation On Christine O'Donnell.

That's just equal parts revulsion and I-just-gotta-see-this.

But I Didn't

If I had invested $100,000 in the NASDAQ average on the day Barack Obama was inaugurated, as of election day, Nov. 2, 2010, my $100,000 would have been worth about $177,000.