This column in the NY Times focuses on a young celebrity photographer and friend of Timothee Chalamet and Charli XCX and Billie Eilish (Did I even spell one of those names right?) but I love this line of his:
“You’re always looking for a reflection of yourself in the eyes of other people.” - Aidan Zamiri.
And in semi-related news (to the last one I wrote minutes ago), I found out a few months ago, that I have coronary artery disease. As my soccer-buddy Jockson likes to loudly exclaim when someone does something stupid in one of our games:
WHAT?!
Coronary. Artery. Disease.
In some ways, that says it all, though I'll continue anyway to disprove my own point. It came when I got a routine physical and my doctor said she has been recommending all her people get a CT scan ("CT Chest wo IV Contrast" to be exact) at a cost of $175. I was open to it, even though I knew it wouldn't show anything since all my physicals have been fine, I play soccer 2-3 times a week, eat very healthily (thanks to Cheryl) and I proudly haven't been on any regular medications of any kind for any purpose. But Cheryl and I agreed - what the heck/why not.
So I got it and it came back with that news, a calcium score over 700, truly shocking us into a different new reality. Those words in the same sentence as my name just are still shocking to me.
So of course I immediately GPT-ed it and it gave 5 ways I could make myself healthier:
1 - stop smoking
2 - eat a plant-based diet
3 - get at least 2 1/2 hours a week of exercise
4 - drink less alcohol
5 - lose weight
Check. Check. Check. Check. And....OK, well, so yeah, it wouldn't hurt to lose another 10-20 pounds.
And now I'm no longer (generally) having my one drink a night. I'm having Cheryl's homemade oatmeal for breakfast instead of the processed strawberry Vitality Flakes. And doing more walking, though not as much this past month with all the distractions related to Mike's estate and memorial service planning.
And yeah, finally take medications: a low-level statin that has already brought my cholesterol down and a baby aspirin each morning.
I've had a follow-up stress test that I passed easily and have had follow-up appointments with my GP and a cardiologist, both of whom, after reviewing my medical history, were as surprised at the results as we were. So clearly, my results got mixed up with someone else's! (kidding!)
It took me a while to realize that the news was even more upsetting to Cheryl than me, because, well, to be blunt, if I die from it, I'll just be dead. Cheryl will be the one most impacted, devastatingly, as it would be for me were the roles reversed, unfathomably so. So that is great inspiration to do as much as I can to keep us together for many years to come. I love you, Cheryl and will do anything to keep us together for a long, long time!
And now, that's all I have to say about that.
So...one of my two or three closest friends died last month. It came out of nowhere for the most part.
Mike, our friend Dan Tobin and I would text each other our wordle result every morning and when Dan brought it to my attention that we didn't get it from Mike by late one Friday, I texted and called him and didn't hear anything. And then the next morning when I still hadn't heard from him, I decided to drive to West Chester to his apartment and when I got there his car was there and there was a package outside his door and the door was locked.
So I called 911 and the police came over and broke in and found him
sitting on a couch with his hands folded in his lap with no signs of foul play
or intent. Quite the shock. He had been ill with a lot of chest and arm pain
but his doctor diagnosed it as severe heartburn. It had been going on for weeks
but seemed to be getting better. It would come and go from hour to hour. I
tried to get him to go to the ER Tuesday night but he had seen his doc and had
some tests done and was put on medication that only seemed to help a little. He
was supposed to get a CAT scan Wed morning but had to reschedule after he had a
morning cup of coffee before reading the instructions that he wasn't supposed
to have any before the test. He died the next day, probably within an hour or
so of my asking how he was feeling.
We had his memorial service this past Saturday at the Downingtown Friends Meetinghouse and it was wonderful. So many lovely messages about Mike, from his sister Ellen, his niece Alice, Trevor, his good friend Judge Pat Carmody, many ex-co-workers and of course, me. Actually, I was able to speak 3 times including the introducing explanation of things and the closing, so I guess I may have overspoken.
And then we had an amazing gathering of 35-40 folks back at our house that night, with Dan and the Ya-ya's staying over. Kate, Bunny, Audrey and I talked until 2:30a.m. and then after they headed off to bed, I sat on the couch and stared at the fire for another half hour or so, thinking about Mike and the previous 24 hours that included the dedication of a plaque on a bench in Mike's honor, attended by 2 County Commissioners, a few judges, a former Congressman and 20 or so others. (See story and photos below.)
The only thing I'll share here from my messages in the service is the one thing that probably sums up my sense of loss. The week after he died, I thought to myself: I need to tell Mike that we need to go to breakfast, as we so often did, to tell him that my good friend Mike had died.
The best thing about telling that story was that after the service Jeff Domenick and my sister-in-law Anita said they'd be happy to meet me for breakfast any time. Love.
I'll share here some of the many articles that appeared in the Daily Local News and in the Philly Inquirer about Mike:
https://www.dailylocal.com/2025/10/27/the-consummate-newsman-daily-local-news-reporter-michael-p-rellahan-remembered/
https://www.dailylocal.com/2025/10/27/the-consummate-newsman-daily-local-news-reporter-michael-p-rellahan-remembered/
https://www.inquirer.com/obituaries/michael-rellahan-obituary-west-chester-news-reporter-20251106.html
https://www.dailylocal.com/2025/11/22/officials-family-pay-tribute-to-our-newspaper-man-michael-p-rellahan/
And my favorite: https://www.dailylocal.com/2025/10/31/column-chester-county-remembers-mike-rellahan-our-newspaperman/
I know you have no idea how respected and loved you were, m'dude, you Professor of Dude-eronomy, and you wouldn't even believed anyone if they told you. But you were, and I'll miss you as long as I'm breathing.
For years now I've hoped Dems would be seen as the party of We where the Rs are the party of Me.
Problem is, we are now seen more as the party of Them.
And not just as a trans issue (they/them), but as in, we are seen as being way more interested in everyone except, to be blunt, straight white males, and not thinking in terms of Us. That's part of why I believe we have to keep any language related to individual subgroups out of our speeches, and talk about Us, not them (gays) and them (African-Americans) and them (Trans) and them (women) and them (Latinos), etc.
To focus (obsess?) over those groups in our language - our speeches, our messaging - sends either obvious or even subliminal messages to the majority of voters that we care more about the Thems than about the Us.
I need to write more in this dang thing, if only to unload. This has been...I'm tempted to say one of the worst years of my life, but really, the worst year that I can remember.
- I can't go into detail about this here, but there are two people I love dearly, who are really really hurting emotionally right now. And there is nothing I can do to help.
- Four people who have been a big part of my life, anywhere from 6 years to my entire life time, have died this year: Ed Peabody, cousin Sandy Fitz-Henry, John Rudibaugh, and Nancy Aigeldinger. And another person I adore is fighting for his life.
- I got a random CAT scan and the results showed that I have such high calcium volume, that I am at serious risk of a cardiac event. I took a follow up stress test and passed with flying colors, so the concern is somewhat muted, but regardless, I've changed by diet and lifestyle considerably, and have lost around 15 pounds this year.
- I am so beyond discouraged by our political situation that I have stopped reading any news about it, well, 90% of it anyway.
No wonder, for the first time in my life, I find myself tearing (teering, not taring) up repeatedly during any given day for months now.
Or maybe I'm just upset because the Phillies are on the verge of elimination from the playoffs, the Eagles lost for the first time in almost a year and Penn State had one of their worst losses in the school's history.
But I don't think so.
My next post, or soon, anyway, will be all the wonderful things in my life...and there are way way more of those than the bad things, too many to mention really.
I'm so disillusioned about so many things in the political sphere these days, left and right, I'm almost at a place of political paralysis. And the murder of Charlie Kirk just takes me even a deeper place of sadness. The real shame of it all is that I think the biggest difference one can make is to donate to our favorite political entities, people and organizations, and I hate that so much.
