I spent some time with some folks recently to whom I know I mean a lot and similarly, mean a lot to me. And at some point, being so close, they felt comfortable telling me that they were uncomfortable with my behavior during that gathering, that I hadn't smiled enough and was being too quiet. I tried immediately to work through what was bothering me and felt significantly upset for some time thereafter for having negatively impacted their otherwise good time.

But as I thought about the incident more over the next few weeks, I reflected on the concept that we've been told from the time we are young: Just Be Yourself. So what happens if you're being yourself and it's upsetting to people? Is that your fault for being so unlikeable or mine for wanting you to be more likeable? 

I guess I should be flattered that what they were really saying was that they think of me differently than the person I was being with them and they liked that guy better. Not sure they realized...I sure do too.

But it also helped me understand that I shouldn't be upset with someone I love when they are doing something I don't like. That, I need to remind myself, is a Me Problem, as they say, not theirs. 

After all, as Maya Angelou said: When people show you who the are...believe them.

Sibling Express 2024

After landing in Chicago for the first day of our sibling train trip, and checking into my hotel room, I went off in search of a famous Chicago Italian Beef sandwich. I walked for close to 45 minutes (to and from the sandwich shop) and at some point noticed that no one was making anything but accidental eye contact with me. So I decided that if and when anyone did, I’d thank them. 

As I was almost back to the hotel, I was walking through a city indoor market similar to Reading Terminal Market in Philly, when a hipster-like young man said “Have a nice day!” as I walked by his otherwise empty booth. First I just muttered a thanks and continued walking. But then I decided to go back and thank him more directly. 

“Thanks for saying that. I am from Philly and have just walked for about 45 minutes through this city and not one person has even so much as made eye contact with me.” 

He replied matter of factly: “I’m from Norristown.”

-----

The sandwich however was juicy, disgusting, and delicious.

Impressions of Chicago:

- exceedingly clean city

- the residents seem to be, by and large, extremely fit

- the whole city smells like well-done meat and giardiniera sauce…which I had never heard of before.

Impressions of Portland, where it rained probably 80% of the time we were there:

- The first person we talked to about the rain, who wasn't originally from Portland, told us that people there actually prefer when it's raining. We continued to quiz people about his statement the next 2+ days and no one refuted it.

- People there seem less interested in a well-kept lawn than any place I've ever been...except Russia where I don't think anyone even could afford lawnmowers.

- I actually preferred Portland to Chicago because of its funkiness, but I was the only one of the 4 of us to feel that way.

- I appreciated that very few of the houses on their well-packed blocks in the city looked anything like any of the other houses.

Impressions of Los Angeles:

- It's just as one has heard. SO much artifice - people dressed and coiffed to the max, wanting to see and be seen. That said, much of it was based on our hitting the Hotel Bel Air, the Polo Lounge and Chateau Marmont for drinks, all in one afternoon, before heading to a really nice restaurant. The one person who stood out as dressed completely normally was the owner of a business three downs down from our restaurant, fella name of Woody Harrelson.