Nothing on TV or in the movies is true...except all these things

After watching more (non-sports) television in the past few years, beginning with the start of the pandemic (it’s still weird to write those words – we really did just go through a freaking pandemic. Heck, we still are, for that matter. In fact, I feel like I’ve heard of more people coming down with covid in the past month than pretty much the first 2 years combined, but since people aren’t dying of it, it seems less present.) 

Where were we/I, ah right – television, which includes movies, I’ve been keeping a mental list of things I’ve noticed about TV life that isn’t generally reflected in real life. OK, it’s not just a mental list – I wrote some of these down too. OK, I wrote all of them down just so I wouldn't fergit.

Things people do way more on TV and in the movies than in real life:

- Cry and have sex. Usually not at the same time.

- Meet for the first time and have sex within the first hour or less of meeting. And it’s almost always intense. And over with very quickly. Especially in the first episode of a series.

- Hang up the phone without saying goodbye. Every once in a rare while, one person will say bye, but the other never will.

- Tell lies…and never, ever get away with them. The person they are trying to keep the secret from will always find out. 100% of the time.

- Have friendships with people of different races than theirs. No white people on TV only have white friends.

- Have difficult relationships with the parent of the same gender, especially moms and daughters. One almost never sees supportive, loving relationships between mom and daughters.

- Have affairs. Or have solid relationships with their spouse.

- Have wet city streets at night.

- Have way more complicated lives.

Other observations:

- Anytime someone says “But let me explain!” when they are trying to set someone straight about a misunderstanding, will never get that chance to explain, even though we as the viewer always know that if they did, all would be forgiven…as it eventually will be when the other person finally does find out what happened, which they always will.

- There are no more shows or movies without gay characters or people of different races. In other words, Friends would never have a cast like that today. Or Seinfeld. Or MASH. Of 99% of shows before about 2015ish.

- Any prediction by a character of what is sure to happen will never happen.

- There are very few honest cops or politicians. But then…

And lastly, almost any time someone speaks to another character by name, they will almost always pause slightly before saying their name, at least more so than we do when saying names. My theory is that the actors are so glad to remember their line, and want to be so sure not to use the actor’s real name, they pause almost imperceptibly before saying their character’s name. I tell ya, it happens again and again, to the point, once you start noticing it, you’ll see that it becomes unusual that someone doesn’t do it.

What did I miss?

 

 

For Aphorphiles Only

I'm a big fan of aphorisms. In fact, I once considered starting a website that consisted only of aphorisms. The only thing I don't like about aphorisms is the word. Seems like it is a word for a world safe for people who are prejudiced against aphors. 

So with that pithy intro (now that is a word I simply MUST use more often, like when someone says something particularly thought-provoking: "Oh, how terribly pithy!" And of course, it just has to be said with a British accent, with such a huge emphasis on the "p", that anyone nearby might be splattered with whatever happens to be near your front lips as you say it. And now I'll pause, because I know you need time to silently do it yourself.) 

Now, where was I - ah yes - Aphorisms-R-Us.

I don't usually just reprint something that someone else has written, but I enjoyed a recent column by David Brooks in the NY Times filled with what he called Life Hacks, which deserves a robust "OK, Boomer", because I think, well, Inigo Montoya said it best, and it feels like he is just trying to be relevant to the kids by calling them that. 

(And I also recognize that a Boomer calling out another Boomer by saying "OK, Boomer" is probably guilty of the same thing.)

And let the record show that I am sharing David Brooks' column under protest, since he once tried to have me thrown out of the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte in 2012, but I'll save that story for another day, but remind me if I forget, please.

I admit that I am mostly sharing these because I'd love my kids to memorize all these, yes, every one. And I'll add a * (an *?) where I have an additional thought.

When you have 90 percent of a large project completed, finishing up the final details will take another 90 percent. 

Anything you say before the word “but” does not count.

Denying or deflecting a compliment is rude. Accept it with thanks.

Getting cheated occasionally is a small price to pay for trusting the best in everyone, because when you trust the best in others, they will treat you the best.

When you get invited to something in the future, ask yourself, Would I do this tomorrow? (*I really need to do this more often. Things frequently seemed like a better idea at the time I first heard them than when the time comes to actually do them.)

Purchase a tourist guidebook to your hometown. You’ll learn a lot playing tourist once a year. 

The thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult. (*I wasn't weird as a kid. Just annoying. Right, Laur?)

It’s not an apology if it comes with an excuse. (*There should be national legislation to codify this. But that'll never happen, because the people who would have to vote for it are the people who most often include excuses in the same sentence as their apology.)

Just because it’s not your fault doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility.

Ignore what they are thinking of you because they are not thinking of you. (*That's just one of many good reasons to ignore what others are thinking of you.)

Something does not need to be perfect to be wonderful, especially weddings. (*Or marriages, though mine happens to be both, of course.)

The biggest lie we tell ourselves is, “I don’t need to write this down because I will remember it.” (*Especially true of dreams, when you wake up from one in the middle of the night...or even early or late in the night.)

Job interviews are not really about you. They are about the employer’s needs and how you can fill them.

If you can’t make up your mind between two options, flip a coin. Don’t decide based on which side of the coin came up. Decide based on your emotional reaction to which side came up.

Take photos of things your parents do every day. That’s how you’ll want to remember them. (*Not sure I like this one. Liss once told me that after I die, she'll always picture me in her memories as reading a newspaper. Sadly accurate, but not exactly the way I'd prefer to be remembered.)

Build identity capital. In your 20s do three fascinating things that job interviewers and dinner companions will want to ask you about for the rest of your life. (*That's a little strong. One thing should do it.)

Marriage is a 50-year conversation. Marry someone you want to talk with for the rest of your life. (*But for just 50 years apparently.)

If you’re giving a speech, be vulnerable. Fall on the audience members and let them catch you. They will.

Never be furtive. If you’re doing something you don’t want others to find out about, it’s probably wrong. (*Except when it comes to sex. Furtive is fine though.)

If you’re traveling in a place you’ve never been before, listen to an album you’ve never heard before. Forever after that music will remind you of that place. (*I can't hear Red Red Wine without thinking of my late friend Dennis from when we traveled through Europe together in 1983.)

If you’re cutting cake at a birthday party with a bunch of kids howling around you, it’s quicker and easier to cut the cake with dental floss, not a knife. Lay the floss across the cake and firmly press down. (*I'm sorry, I just doubt this. Someone try this please and let me know if it's true.)

When you’re beginning a writing project, give yourself permission to write badly. You can’t fix it until it’s down on paper. (*Or if you're writing this blog, just accept that you're really not nearly as good a writer as you once thought you'd be someday. And if you keep trying to make your posts perfect, you'll make fewer entries because they take so long to write, though alas, that is only part of my problem.)

One-off events usually don’t amount to much. Organize gatherings that meet once a month or once a year.

Make the day; don’t let the day make you. Make sure you are setting your schedule, not just responding to invitations from others.

If you meet a jerk once a month, you’ve met a jerk. If you meet jerks every day, you’re a jerk. (*Not applicable if one lives in New York City.)

Never pass up an opportunity to hang out with musicians. (*Interesting. I can't remember meeting a musician I didn't/don't love.)

Don’t try to figure out what your life is about. It’s too big a question. Just figure out what the next three years are about. (*Besides, as I hope I've said in a previous post somewhere, and if not, shame on me, I can tell you what your life is all about: Validation, Connections, and yes, Jude - Evolution!)

If you’ve lost your husband (or wife), sleep on his (or her) side of the bed and it won’t feel so empty. (*I love this idea...except I hate it too, because I never want to know if he's right.)

Don’t ever look up a recent photo of your first great love. (*But seriously - who hasn't?)

If you’re trying to figure out what supermarket line is fastest, get behind a single shopper with a full cart over two shoppers each with a half-full cart. 

Low on kitchen counter space? Pull out a drawer and put your cutting board on top of it. (*Brilliant. Brilliant, I say!)

You can always tell someone to go to hell tomorrow. (*Indeed. A variation of Laurie's 24 hour rule.)

Feel free to add your favorite aphorism in the comments below. If you don't, I'll just assume you're probably an aphorist.

How I Finally Just Lost It...and Now You Can Too!

I love food. And I especially love food that's bad for me. Cheetos, chips, ice cream, hoagies, cheesesteaks, red meat, gravy. Yup, all of it. In fact, the worse it is for me, the more likely I'll like it. And conversely, the better it is for me, the less likely I'll like it. Except avocados. I do like them. As I've always said, vegetables are like having a job.  I don't like either one, but they are a requirement for a long, healthy, happy life. Maybe that explains why, between the time I left college and the time I married Cheryl, I gained 50 or so pounds.  Well, that and Cheryl's great cooking. (And also why I am loving retirement so much!)

So, after many tries, over many years, about three years ago, I finally went all in and decided enough was enough. Time to get rid of those chubby cheeks and the big ole belly. Well, at least to get rid of a lot of it.

People, having been kind enough to notice and say something about it - the best reward behind the feeling of accomplishment, the way you'll feel, and the way you look in the mirror, would then say, predictably: 

"How'd you do it?!" So I thought I'd write out some of the things that worked for me. And what worked for me isn't for everyone. Others have done it through all sorts of what I consider gimmicky approaches, like The (Insert fad diet here) diet, based on some book or website that will make the author lots of money. And I say God Bless 'Em - the author and anyone who is able to not just lose the weight, but in some ways, more difficult, then keeping it off.

So...how did I do it? First some truths about losing weight:

- Any weight loss program that tells you how easy it will be is lying. It's not. It will be hard. At times, really hard. Which leads to the single most important requirement for losing weight...

- You need an excess of Determination. You have to really want it and really commit to it, not like I did a hundred times just after finishing a big meal or on the way back from vacation, but non-stop throughout the process.

- Losing weight makes you look older...and feel younger! 

- It is a process and it will take days, then weeks, then months and then to some degree, for the rest of your life. There is a reason we got to the weight we are.  We like to eat...but probably only to excess. That can't happen on a regular basis anymore.

- Exercising is helpful but for most of us, it is the most minor factor in the process of losing weight. The best reason to stay active isn't to lose weight, it's to keep the joints and ligaments and cartilage stretched out and our bodies healthy in general. 

Now, how it worked for me, to lose almost 40 pounds over a span of a year or two:

The name of my not-so-secret, not-so-radical plan is: 

The AHATT Plan

Always Hungry All The Time

And of course, after the first few weeks, that ever-present hunger will slowly diminish, as you convince your body through determination, deprivation and re-direction that you have permanently changed your nutritional lifestyle. 

You will be hungry. Often. Frequently. Sometimes it will feel like constantly. But the way I was able to get through it was to imagine that whenever I was really hungry, and particularly when my stomach growled, it was my body, and my stomach in particular, chewing away at the fat that had built up inside me. That hunger was a good thing - a great thing! Crave it. Enjoy it. Revel in it. It is working! You are winning.

Now more specifically, the approach that worked for me is what I call 

No Sweets

No Snacks

No Seconds

Eat three meals a day. Eat what you want, as long as there are veggies involved, at least at dinner in some way. Eat good-sized portions if you want. Get that cheesesteak or hoagie, though you don't want to eat the whole thing. Eat half of it. Or better, a quarter of it along with a bowl full of your favorite vegetables. But then that's it. Don't have seconds of anything (except the veggies). Don't finish your kid's plate off. Just stop eating.

So, no sweets - that said, I keep a little stash of chocolate that I'll hit once a day for even just a square of chocolate. But not at some specific, repeating time because then your brain is getting trained to always expect it then. You are creating new habits with this new eating lifestyle change. Re-orienting and re-wiring your brain to be satisfied with eating three meals a day without snacking between those three meals.

And no snacks - if I am really hungry, I'll eat a piece of fruit. A banana, an apple, an orange. But even those should be limited. Given their fructose content, they can work against your goals if you overdo it.

And yes, do weigh yourself every single day. I taped a piece of graph paper near the scale where I marked my starting weight in the upper left hand corner and then marked my progress every day. It was such a reward every day to look back at where I'd been and the progress I'd made as the line dropped down and down as I went further to the right.

There are other things that will help of course, but you've heard all these things: 

- Fewer carbs. 

- Don't put cheese on anything unless the meal would be ruined without it. 

- Don't grocery shop when you're hungry.

- Take the skin off the chicken, cut the fat off the meat. try not to put butter on your veggies.

- If you're having bread in any form, whether it be in a sandwich, as toast, with eggs, try it without any butter or mayo. I put a piece of toast under my scrambly eggs and have stopped using any butter at all on the toast and don't miss it a little bit. 

- Avoid greasy and processed, pre-made foods, like lunch meat, fries, chips ESPECIALLY! Don't even let it in the house!

This is kind of a weird suggestion, but avoid mindless eating. You can take it to an extreme and practice mindfulness, where you stop and appreciate every bite you take, and that would be awesome...and ok, a little annoying, but easier is to just avoid distractions while you eat. Worst is to put a bag of something next to you - chips, popcorn, pretzels, hummus, anything that helps fill your belly - and chomp away as you're watching TV or on your phone or computer. I don't even like having a conversation with anyone while I eat because suddenly, the meal is over and I feel like I missed it! Unless it is a sit-down at the table family-type meal. Then it's a whole event, which makes me appreciate it all the more.

Or, if you start to feel hungry between meals, stop doing whatever it is you're doing. Go outside and do some yardwork, go shopping, call a friend, start a new project you've been putting off. Give your brain something different to think about. 

So if you can commit to all those approaches, you will see some dramatic drops in your weight and quickly. AND, you will also hit some plateaus, where you are being really good and not seeing any progress. Or maybe even gain a pound or two. But that's okay - it'll only last a day or three and it'll just make the next drop all the more dramatic.

And lastly, one fun thing. Once a week, feel free to go off your new approach. Go to a party and pig out. Have a piece of someone's birthday cake and some ice cream. Order the fries or the tater tots and get a big steak or the cheesy pasta. And enjoy it. Without guilt. That makes the diet more fun and it has the side benefit of re-speeding up your metabolism and fooling your bod into thinking  Oh Yay - we're eating great gobs of big gross food again! The downside is - the next few days are going to be even more painful all over again. Your belly will growl, your brain will crave junk. But again - Determination! A growling tummy = fat being scraped off your belly walls!

And here's one last secret - reward yourself! Pick your number - after you lose each 5 pounds, or 10, whatever you want. And give yourself a (non-food related) reward. Buy yourself a new dress or start a new book or do something/anything else that brings you pleasure. Or the opposite approach - deny yourself something until you reach those goals. Maybe you can't watch a new show or movie until you get there. 

Or if you have a partner, see if they will buy in. Ask them for a reward when (not if!) you get there. Or ask them to deny you something (ahem) until you get there. And of course, they don't have to suffer in the process. They don't need to be denied anything, if you catch my drift. And of course, they can be really REALLY important in the entire program by supporting your lifestyle change, whether just by encouraging you, or by occasionally reminding you to do the right thing, as you are tempted to reach for seconds, or nibble at something you shouldn't be - No nibbling! Three meals only. But as I've hinted, your partner can help with the sexy rewards as you reach certain goals. 

So, lastly, since I partially blamed Cheryl for my having put on some of the weight with her awesome cooking, let me now say that there is absolutely no way I could have accomplished all this without her support and assistance...and rewards! So thanks for your help in my reaching my goals, Cheryl!

So, now, get 'er done! And feel free to comment below how things are going for you, or whether you have any tricks to share that have worked for you. Good luck everyone!

Random Thoughts from having extra time in retirement to think about such pressing issues

 

Hard to believe some people seem to be more in favor of banning books in schools than banning assault weapons in schools.

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A few years back, the media was obsessed with North Korea's missile tests. Per the NY Times, "North Korea launched its boldest missile test in years (and its seventh this month)." But the MSM has moved on to being obsessed with an equally non-relevant (to our lives) issue - Russia's military buildup along the Ukrainian borders. Would newspapers go out of business if they didn't have covid, crime and the Ukrainian mess to cover, not to mention repeating the same storylines on Trump's crimes over and over from "new" perspectives?

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News Item: LA Rams are favored to win the Super Bowl by 3.5. I'm all in on the Bengals but honestly, were I a betting fellow, and I kinda wish I were, I'd go heavily on the LA squad.

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- If you say something is remarkable, isn't that redundant?

- If you mention something after you say "Not to mention...", are you a liar?

- If you finish a sentence that starts with "Not to interrupt, but..." are you a hypocrite?

- And why do worthless and priceless have opposite meanings?

 

Headline story in today's Washington Post:

"The confrontation with Russia over Ukraine. Houthi missile attacks potentially aimed at Americans. North Korea’s latest missile tests. China’s intimidation tactics against Taiwan. These four thorny foreign policy problems don’t have much in common, other than being inherited headaches President Biden confronts at the dawn of his second year in office."

Explain to me please why these are OUR problems? None of them is...are. At age 65, I am still trying not to get involved in solving other people's problems (unless I'm asked to). It is a constant challenge for me. It appears the USA has the same challenge.

Difference is, the first step is acknowledging you have a problem.

 

I keep telling myself I gotta get back to this blog and I keep not doing it, so I’ll re-activate with a quick thought I had this freezing cold January morning:

 

If two people are having an argument about the existence of God, one for and one against, which one is actually playing devil’s advocate?

But if nothing else, I am much better now at spelling misogyny!

A recent widely-shared (among my family and ya-yo friends) article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution dealt with examples of the misogyny rampant in today's world, and it brought out an initial reaction from me to Cheryl for which I apologized later, when she asked if I had read it:

"You mean the article on how Men Suck?"

Hey - I said I apologized for it! I am not proud to observe that I am far more sympathetic to and interested in battling racism than I am misogyny. 

I know far more women who outwardly and/or admittedly hate men than vice versa.

But...I would also say that I know far more men who don't respect women, than vice versa. And I think the issue of misandry and misogyny could/should be kept separate. 

As for the article itself, I didn't learn anything from it. Her points have been made repeatedly so I was surprised and disappointed that the author wasn't able to add anything new to the dialogue. That said, there is always value in continuing to give energy, publicity and power to the push back.

The issue and belief I have, in Jamie World, that I've never heard anyone else spew, is the undervalued and underused power of femininity. But that is so at odds with the feminist mindset, I believe it's hard for most to really try to explore it intellectually. 

Since our society has always equated femininity (which is THE worst word to try to say when you've had a beer or three) with weakness, it's a challenge to think of it any other way. And as I have probably said in this blog somewhere else, I find women to be superior to men in every way except physical attributes. Wait, that doesn't sound right - I way prefer women's physical attributes! I'm talking about the kinds of things measured in, say, the Olympics. ("The Olympics!") And I think when it comes to the power of women, it's like Glinda telling Dorothy that she had the power all along.  Someday, women may not only realize their powers, they will use them. And because women are kinder, more giving, more thoughtful and smarter, and better at playing and working well with others, not to mention easier to dance with, I suspect they'll use that power for good, not the way we men too often have used our strength/s.