Everything just seems so unlikely.

Last May, Judy, Sherry, Laurie and I took a train from Chicago to St. Paul (visiting 2nd cousin Molly McMahon and her cool family, joined, to our surprise by Gwennie, Tom and Mole), Portland (visiting with 2nd cousin Kaeri Schaefer and her also cool family) and then to Los Anglese (visiting 2nd cousin Brian McVickar and his joyful friend Danni).

Before we left, Laurie suggested to all the nieces, nephews, and kids that they think of interview questions for the 4 of us to discuss and record on tape for posterity.

The only two people to respond were Anita and Becca. Anita asked us to share our memories of Gary and I'll cover that separately.

These were Becca's questions:

-What are some traditions the McVickar family has?

-What are some life lessons you've learned from your siblings and relatives??

-Everyone talking about their memories of the Bill Bradfield situation. (You already knew I was going to say that.)

-What are some random memories from childhood that bring you joy?

-Mom (Laurie) talking about how she came to find out Paul is her real dad. What do others remember about this? (You already knew I was going to say that.)

-What do you think makes a McVickar a McVickar?

-What ancestors do you feel most connected to and why / what do you remember of your grandparents?

Traditions:

Funny to me how few I can think of, and by "few", I mean I can only think of one, waving to people or blinking the front lights as they left the house and drove west on Black Horse Road across the front of our property. Not many people know about it now and of those who do, seem not to want to be bothered with it, except Trev who still embraces it with enthusiasm. 

Life Lessons from Siblings:

This is a tough one, because I can only think of one thing specifically, which is when, after Gary died, Laurie observed that our body only allows us to experience grief in portions we are able to handle because if it hit us all at once, it would be too much to handle.

But in a more general sense, the way they, and their kids too, have helped me, is they just just care about me and make me feel I'm important to them. There just really is no more important gift one can give.

Bill Bradfield

Way too many to put in print but I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit that it was kind of an exciting time for me as a 20-something year-old to be so close to someone who was on the front page of all the local papers and magazines and who was someone I visited often throughout, growing close to all the people involved and guilty in the eyes of many.  

Joyful Childhood Memories

- playing games outside, occasionally in the dark

- going to swim at Sixpenny and Hopewell

- visiting and visits from my best childhood and maybe even adulthood friend, Jim Daly

- time alone, staring at the ceiling 

- watching TV shows as a family on mom and dad's bed

- sledding in the front yard

- Downingtown Friends School 

- Hanging with the Bradfields, kids and adults, including daytrips to the Jersey shore

Laurie Finding Out

I wasn't there so I can't add anything but I do remember the family dinner probably not long after when Mom and Dad not only telling Judy and me that news but also that their real 1956 wedding date was in April, not February, which is when they wanted us to think they'd been married because I was born in December of that year (you can do the math). It was nice to have Laurie as a full biological sister but it didn't really change anything since we always thought of she, Gary and Sherry as full siblings anyway.

A McVickar a McVickar

Well, we are opinionated and outspoken but good listeners; strong but gentle; spiritual but not all religious; Democrats in every case except for Wyatt; good friends to have; loving, tolerant, fun, funny, emotional, communicative...and although not every one of those fits every one of us, there is one thing we all have in common: We are all very, very lucky to be in the extended McVickar family - siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, second cousins, and however to describe the luck of having the al-Rubaiay family as part of ours now too. LUCKY! 

Ancestor Connections and Grandparent memories

Sadly, we can't go too deep here, as none of us knew our (Matthew) McVickar/(Arno) Osterhaus grandfathers. My maternal grandmother, Clarita Osterhaus, who we called Nanny for some odd reason, was always pleasant with us though rarely seemed to have much interest in knowing us at any level. We thought of her as quite wealthy, though I doubt she ever had much more than $40-50,000 to her name. She would allow Mom to buy each of us one "expensive" gift - up to $40 or so - at Christmas that she would pay for, of course. When Judy, Laurie and I were all under ten years old, she would occasionally put red lipstick on all three of us and I remember being disappointed when it was decided that it would not be appropriate to include me. She and mom loved to laugh together. She would drive out once a month or so and she and Mom would catch up on all that was going on in their worlds. I don't remember them talking on the phone much, or ever, really. 

Our paternal grandmother, Sarah Jeannette McVickar, who we called Mema, was 11 years older than Nanny and was reminiscent of the character of Aunt Bea on The Andy Griffith Show, if considerably less gregarious. She was strict with us when she would watch us when mom and dad went away on vacation, with a number of peculiar rules required of us kids: 

- we couldn't drink any milk at dinner until we finished all our food

- the oldest kid - Laurie - got to decide what TV shows we watched

- we had to "make a BM" before we were allowed to go to bed

- and we had to say prayers first too: "Now I lay me down to sleep" is all I remember.

So other than those two wonderful ladies, I guess the only ancestral-type folks I had any real contact with were Dad's siblings and Uncle Art was and still is an inspiration to me. He was a wonderfully playful uncle and also was incredibly fit, well into his 70's. In fact, I remember him not just playing volleyball with us at age 76 at a family reunion, but playing extremely actively, even more so than some of the rest of us.

I hope that helped, Becca! Sorry it took so long. Let me know if you have any more questions. You'll think of many after we're gone.

I was surprised to read in this article in The Athletic about finding workplace happiness, in their case, in terms of the teams they play on, that two of the most important pieces of advice in Dale Carnegie's landmark book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” originally published in 1936, are the two things I've often declared as my "philosophies of life" as my nephew Skylar begs us to share: Connections and Validation.

"(Joey) Votto was struck by a passage about connection. One of the best ways to reach others, Carnegie wrote, was to offer sincere appreciation. It wasn’t enough to show up; you had to be intentional."

Research by Jane Dutton, an organizational psychologist, has spent nearly three decades researching this, "has suggested that there’s an even simpler way to foster happier work places and more cohesiveness among team members. The answer is in what Dutton calls “high-quality connections,” a term she coined to describe the brief, positive interactions between colleagues.

"Studies have shown that an increase in “high-quality connections” can improve physiological health and increase measures of energy and vitality. It can also increase resilience and coordination in organizations. In other words, fostering more connections may be more powerful than trying to change a company’s culture.

“'This is such a simple idea, but I’ve been stunned at how powerful it is,' Dutton said."

So, what's new is old. Dale, I bow to thee. Glad I didn't try to write a whole book only to find out you already did 90ish years ago. 

And by the way, thanks for validating my philosophy of life, proactively or maybe retroactively. 

I just want to post this link as an ode to my buddy Michael P. Rellahan, the extremely gifted writer who unfortunately is no longer writing columns for the Daily Local News. 

But you can still enjoy any or all of them here:

https://michaelpcolumns.blogspot.com/

 I think most of us have wondered how people could feel that it was okay to actually own people as slaves 150 or so years ago. 

I've wondered if the same mindset allows someone to support Donald Trump as President. Or in any other way.

To me, they are both indefensible and come from the same place.

The question Dems need to ask open-minded (non-Maga) potential voters:

"What upsets you more - the situation at the border or our heathcare system as it currently exists?"

The question Dems need to ask themselves:

"What upsets you more - our healthcare system or trans rights?"

Picture this

 News Item:

Detroit assistant general manager Sam Menzin resigned his post last Thursday, just before the team was planning to fire him for improper workplace conduct. Multiple women, including two Tigers employees, confirmed to The Athletic that Menzin sent them unsolicited lewd photos, some of which date back to 2017. Find out more. Nah, I'm good, thanks. Besides which, I just don't get dick pics. Literally or figuratively. And I am fine with that.