Things I've loved but couldn't wait until they were over:

-         High school

-         College

-         Being President of the Board of West Chester Friends School

-         My first marriage

 

Things I’ve loved that thankfully will never end:

-         Being a dad

-         My second marriage

-         Being a Democrat

-         Being a Quaker

-         Having such great friends

 

Things I do or have done that I’ve never loved and will never end:

-         Brushing my teeth

-         Eating vegetables

 

Thing I do that I’ve never loved and hope won’t end for a long, long, looong time:

-         Waking up in the morning

Some people ask, "Why me?"

I ask, "Why not me?"

She's the healthy one, not me.

More to come - I have so many things I'd like to post here about Cheryl's sickness, SO many, but so little time to do so. But this was one that just kept running through my head, so I had to get it out.

And so a new bump in the journey presents itself

Two words that are almost as fun to say physically as they are scary to say emotionally:

Gynecological oncologist.

And two words I never wanted to learn are an all-too-common pairing.

After all, it's all about me

With our 40 (!) year high school reunion approaching in a few weeks, we were all given a questionnaire to fill out so we could circulate it to those who wouldn't be able to attend, updating them on each other. Here is my response:

What’s new?  Or possibly, the same:

Name:                                                   Jamie McVickar                                      

Spouse/partner’s name:              Cheryl

Occupation:                                       Controller, North American Land Trust

Previous Occupations:                  Statistician for the Philadelphia Flyers

Geographical location:                  Chester Springs, PA

Family situation: 

Very happily married  

          Children:

-          Stepdaughters:        

o   Elissa, age 27 (and Liss has two children, Athena and Atticus)

o   Evelyn, age 21 – is a student at Lock Haven U in PA

-          Ammar, age 24?  – exchange student from Iraq, moved in with us in 2007, is now in grad school in NYC studying to be a podiatrist

-          Trevor, age 13 – 7^th grade

-          Emma, age 10 – 4^th grade

Parents –             deceased L

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time, assuming you have any?

Being a dad

Being politically involved

Drinking, but only to excess

Playing soccer, ice hockey and the banjo

Any time spent with Cheryl…and/or the kids

Favorite blogs/online spots – and/or – favorite movie/TV show? 

          Huffington Post, dailykos, rotoworld, fivethirtyeight, Of Politics, Sports and Sex

          TV show – Mad Men, Jon Stewart

What has been your best vacation and why?

          Two trips to Russia just before communism fell; cross-country bike trip in 1982

What have been the greatest challenges life has thrown your way?

          Parenting! And maybe harder – step-parenting. J

Retirement plans

         

          None yet!

Did you hear the one about the Priest, the Rabbi and the Greek guy...

Talking about religion is like talking about comedy. The more I analyze why it does or doesn’t work, the less I’m interested I am in it.

I’ve heard women complain that anytime a man is in the room women act differently. I’ve heard that given as a reason women like to get together with just their girlfriends because they all are so different when no man is present, no matter how unconscious of it they may be. (Side note – any time I’ve heard a woman say this, they never claim to be guilty of it themselves – it’s just their girlfriends who get weird.)

I never understood, observed or necessarily disagreed with that claim, but what I have observed is that there are only two situations where I have found that women totally ignore me:

1 – Parent/Teacher conferences
2 – When they are clothes shopping

Every Parent/Teacher conference I’ve ever been in with Cheryl where the teacher is a woman, the teacher talks 90+% of the time to Cheryl. Occasionally they’ll shoot me a glance maybe just to see if I’m paying attention, but rarely more than that.

But shopping is the environment in which I have seen some women show a side I have never seen anywhere else, where they become most aggressive, focused and oblivious to anyone else in their periphery. It’s a little unsettling. I’ve actually been taken aback seeing women reach across and in front of someone else who has the misfortune to be standing between the woman and her prey.

And in the shopping scenario, it's a little embarrassing to admit, but I was flattered when I noticed that women act differently around me when shopping than they do in other situations.

But now, the obvious question becomes – are men guilty of the same thing? Though I don’t know if guilt is the proper word there. I don’t know that there’s anything wrong with it. In fact, as I say, I think it’s kind of cool.

But as for me? Yeah, I’m sure I act differently when women are present…I mean, my buddies do, not me!

...and another thing (That would make a great name for a blog!)

Two more thoughts while driving home last night, which, along with the toilet and the shower, are the times and places I do all my best thinking.

Still on the issue of validation being our goal in life (generally, not in every decision we make)...one piece of advice I'd always want to give my kids or anyone I could convince to listen to my advice/thoughts. To be well-liked, to be someone whose company is sought...OK two pieces of advice:

1 - Exceed expectations in everything you do - as an employee, as a friend, a parent, a partner, as a volunteer - and you are guaranteed success in life

2 - Be more of a validator than in need of validation. Make sure the people you come in contact with know how much you appreciate them, their talents, their gift, their sense of humor, what they do. As Miss Biedemeister told my mom when my mom was in 6th grade in Indianapolis, Indiana, you can always find something positive to say to someone. Even if you think your girlfriend's dress is the ugliest thing you've ever seen, she told her, you can always find one color, one pattern, one thing about it to say something nice about. Or as Sherry's Mom's friend Wally used to say about complementing the teenager or the developmentally disabled kid (redundant, I know) washing the windows at the Wawa, "What does it hurt me to tell him how beautiful the windows look?"

-------

Now back to the original question about Jimmy Fallon.

At one point during his show, I found myself just so grateful that Jimmy Fallon is there...that anyone is there in place of Jay Leno. I did not like him at all, similar to, but not completely in the same way, as I didn't like Conan O'Brien, whose persona I really detest.

In Conan's case, not only have I never found anything about him even a little bit funny. (OK, I think I caught myself chuckling briefly ONE time!) He just makes me uncomfortable to watch. He makes me dislike myself for having spent 30 seconds watching him just to try one last time to see what anyone could possibly be amused by about him. And part of what upsets me is that he is meant to appeal to a younger demographic and that annoys me.

In Jay Leno's case, it annoyed me that he had higher ratings than Letterman or Kimmel, or even Stephen Colbert, when they are all way funnier. Leno was just so middle of the road and bland. I hated his delivery, I hated his band, and part of what upsets me is that he was meant to appeal to an older, blander, middle-of-the-road demographic andthat annoys me.

But I'm sure they are both exceptionally thoughtful people, and are kind to small animals!