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Thursday, December 28, 2023

Paying it forward...at no charge

This is a true family story about a dad, an uncle, and a son, only one of them related to me. It goes back to the 40’s I’d guess, the 1940’s that is, remembering now that this may be read well past the – gasp – 2040’s, and ended in 2014. Or maybe it hasn’t ended yet. Maybe that will be up to someone who wasn’t even born when I wrote this, as I wasn’t when this story began.

The story starts…or continues…or possibly ends…in 2014, when Cheryl and I were making a very big push to get our property ready for our niece Becca’s wedding to a very cool guy name of Mark. I took a week off from work to complete a number of projects around the property that needed to be done so badly, I’d put them off for years. But now, in my judgement, they really did need to get done.

And the biggest job of all, and most germane to this story, was to re-do the 80-foot walkway that runs along the front of our house.  The walk had consisted only of a very fine gravel from when mom and dad built the house back in the 1950’s, and I vaguely remember Mom saying she’d never liked it that way.



So my vision was to embed pieces of flagstone into the walkway with dirt or gravel, or hopefully, eventually, moss in between. But it was important to Cheryl and me that the flagstone be irregular, not perfectly precut to interlock or be perfectly spaced. We wanted something more along the lines of a jigsaw where the pieces might fit in a more creative arrangement.

But…we didn’t know where to go to find it, so we asked our local expert and amazing neighbor Aidan Myles who told us exactly where to go: to see Stephen Senn right down the road in the town of Eagle, just a few miles away. But, Aidan warned us, the entrance to his business would be really hard to find and we’d probably pass it by a few times before making the correct turn on to his semi-hidden gravel driveway. It seemed unlikely to us, given that Eagle had gone from a sleepy little theoretical mark on a map when I was a kid, more than any recognizable destination, to a half-mile long stretch with 5 traffic lights, a CVS, a Starbucks, an Acme, some beauty salons, and a few bars and restaurants.

So, Cheryl and I set out in search of the aforementioned Mr. Senn.  And as Aidan predicted, we did indeed pass by his drive at least once, not believing that weed strewn little dirt road could possibly be the entrance to an actual business. So, still not sure, we turned down the driveway, looking for an office, and not seeing one, looking just for any sign of life. For the most part, we only saw piles of dirt, a lot of brush and occasional stacks of empty pallets. It felt like a place either spooky or magical, where we either would never get alive or we’d happened into Brigadoon.

We had passed one backhoe in operation down a short side path, so we went back there, parked behind the large now unmanned machine and ventured past it to find a tall, round-faced man, who looked a little intimidating, serious and at the same time, at least potentially to be a tad jolly. Turned out to be a some of each.

As we walked toward him, he stopped what he was doing and looked at us, seeming to wonder why we were interrupting him. “Hi! Are you Steve Senn?” I asked, to which he replied, his eyes narrowing, “Depends on who wants to know!” I paused for a moment, wondering if we’d made a mistake in coming here at all. And then as we stared at each other, I noticed a twinkle in his eye and the start of a smile at the corners of his mouth, and I chanced an introduction of myself and then Cheryl. And now, his face changed again. He seemed to grow quite pensive, looking upward and stroking his beard gently, as he said slowly, “McVickar. McVickar. I remember a McVickar. Are you Art McVickar’s son?”

Now I was both excited and somewhat perplexed. Many years ago, one of the local Senn families had lived across from us on Black Horse Road, though we never really socialized much, and I wondered if he was forgetting Dad’s name. And I said, “No, I am Paul McVickar’s son. I had an uncle named Art but you may be thinking of my parents who used to live on Black Horse Road across from a Senn family, but I don’t know if that was your family or one of your brothers’ families.”

Listening carefully, but now maybe a little confused himself, he said “No, no. I’m talking about an Art McVickar. Did he used to work at a nursery – Vicks - down in the Gladwyne area many years ago? And then he taught at a private school on City Line – Friends Central?” My eyes widening, I said “Yeah! Yeah, that was my uncle!” And again, he spoke slowly and thoughtfully and said, “Yeah…way back in some really hard years when my dad was having a tough time finding work, your uncle always seemed to find work at the school for my dad.”  We could almost see him getting a little misty as he remembered it. But he quickly caught himself and said, “So what are you looking for?”

We explained our goal of finding some irregular shapes of flagstone for our front walk, making it clear that we didn’t want the perfect rectangular pieces so popular these days. Well, I don’t know that we could’ve said anything better, as his face brightened and he said “Follow me!”. As we walked, he went on a diatribe of sorts about all the developments going in all around, where all they want are those very pre-cut, perfectly interlocking pieces sold en masse at the Lowes and Home Depots of the world.

And now we found ourselves walking down a barely-there path, with waste-high weeds on either side of us, when we came to a clearing of sorts where we found some piles of exactly what we were looking for. Steve walked over toward 2 of the piles and said “So I can give you these, which are probably what you’re looking for, or those over there, which are probably too long for you.”

Cheryl and I walked over toward the piles he stood by, knowing immediately that they were exactly what we were looking for. Cheryl and I looked at each other and nodded and Cheryl asked Steve, “I think these are what we were hoping for. How much would these two piles cost?”

And at this point, Steve reverted back to that same intimidating, serious look when we first arrived and, with a touch of anger in his voice said, “I told you I would GIVE them to you!” Now, both a little flustered and shocked but incredibly blown away by his generosity, we thanked him profusely and made arrangements for how we could get them to our house.

Left unsaid was the obvious. He was repaying us for Uncle Art’s having been so helpful to his father and his family maybe 70 years earlier.

(Not relevant to the story but in some ways even more entertaining were some family secrets Steve then went on to regale us with in considerable detail, sharing stories about things his parents never told the kids directly but which they figured out, much as we kids did about our own family’s eventually uncovered secrets.)

Sadly, I’ve learned that Stephen has since passed away, or I would have liked to have gone back to thank him again.

The End…or is it? J





And lastly, I need to add one more picture of a stone that brought me to tears: the right hand side of this one piece reminding me very much of my dad’s profile – my dad who had taught me when I was a child how to build stone walls and who now seemed to be giving me his approval of the job I was doing. That rock is now a part of the wall that holds up the path that I hope will be there for many years to come.




 

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Sixteen years ago for my 50th birthday, my sister Sherry asked some family and friends of hers to write something about me so she could bind it up and give it to me as a gift. Very thoughtful. And beautifully put together with many of her sketches and drawings.

Earlier this year, as I was cleaning out the garage (a seemingly non-stop process going on 20 years now, since the year we moved in), I came across her gift and put it aside to read later (perhaps for the first time) which I did a few days ago. 

I couldn't bring myself to read all of them, but the ones I read were very nice and it was obvious that people for the most part had put a great deal of time into thinking of what to say.  All of them were really wonderful, but two of them were my favorites. 

The first was from her friend Craig who wrote, "I can't recall with any degree of certainty whether or not I ever actually met your brother though I do remember you telling me that he was planning to ride his bike across the country. I'm not even sure whether he did it. But anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the young man! (Ed. Note: I don't believe we ever did meet, but I appreciate his effort regardless.)

The other favorite was, sadly, unsigned, but what the person wrote was stunning. Among other things, the person wrote: "There are all kinds of things I do in your honor. I think of it as a commonality between us; doing things "in honor of". I think I told you, but it bears repeating, my therapist once asked me to list the people I most admired. I told him that I wanted to be like Gandhi, or you. It would be too mushy for me to outline those characteristics. You have to wait 'til you're on your deathbed." 

And then the person went on to list all the ways I became a better person than when they first knew me back in the 1970's. So on the one hand, the person has known me a pretty long time, and knows me quite well. On the other, if they are putting me on a short list with Gandhi, maybe not so much.

Regardless, I was incredibly moved and honored by their words, and was very much regretting not knowing who it was who wrote it. But as I thought about it more, I realized that in a way, to dwell on that, or the writer's kind words, in the spirit of Gandhi, perhaps it best not to dwell on either the author or the sentiment but to merely accept the thought with gratitude and move on.

As Gandhi said: 

"The first condition of humaneness is a little humility and a little diffidence about the correctness of one's conduct and a little receptiveness."

Monday, March 27, 2023

I was going through a tough time recently, and was trying to sort through why, when I concluded that I felt like a napkin ring. Sort of useful but easily done without, not really good for much, and always just kind of there. So after a few days when the thought inevitably passed, and after I'd gotten over my murky self, I realized that lots of people probably felt the same way from time to time, so I decided henceforth that I would endeavor to not to let any day go by without validating at least one person. Honestly, it's not much of a commitment. I like to think I was doing that already. 

This should probably be a separate post but it's not totally unrelated. And I'm taking you into a dangerous place known as Jamie World. I may even have written about this before, but it saddens me in the smallest of ways that people who love each other rely only on saying "Love ya!" to each other but can't seem to bring themselves to say "I love you". Perhaps the same reason I react that way is the reason people are hesitant to say it - it is so much more meaningful and even leaves one vulnerable to not getting the return "I love you", because if you don't get it back, "that's a pretty big matzo ball hanging out there."

And along those same lines, at least in my mind, is the topic of The Hug. To me, there is only one kind of acceptable hug, and that is an all-in, full body, at least from the waist up, embrace. If one isn't comfortable with what might seem invasive, that's fine, but should be communicated. If the hug is going to just be some version of a lean in, or a mild touching of shoulders, then it feels like a weak, floppy handshake, which we've all experienced.

You are now encouraged to leave Jamie World.


Tuesday, February 21, 2023

 I don't believe I've posted anything about sex lately, or terribly much else for that matter, though possibly much that is terrible, so I'll post my favorite quote about sex here:


"There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror."

- W. Somerset Maugham

Thursday, January 19, 2023

Cleaning out the garage I came across of a few of my old journals, one of which is circa-1978, the year I graduated from college and another from the early-to-mid 90's which mostly consisted of random lists and thoughts, sort of a blog before there were blogs.

Here are a few of the entries:

"If someone says something that's really deep, but it's over my head, how low must I be?
 - Me to Fred Chapin 2-28-1993

Love not Hate
Sailboats not Motorboats
Sneakers not Shoes
Baseball not Football
Watercolors not Oils
Democrat not Republican
Listening not Talking
Icing not Cake

"It's raining now. I love the sound of rain. It is its own song."
 - my "friend" Charlotte in a January 1993 letter to me from New Mexico

Thursday, January 12, 2023

 

I was reading this interesting opinion piece in the NY Times this week and was both impressed and a little envious as to the clear intellect and talent level of the author, Ezra Klein. And I wondered what it would be like to be that smart, not to mention talented.

And that got me to thinking as to whether I'd rather be really smart or a really great athlete. I decided I'd rather be a really great athlete because I think being that smart makes one all the more troubled by what's going on in the world.

But that's probably not very smart.

And then I thought, if I could one one of the ten best in the world at something, what would it be? 

How about you?

Maybe we should just go with

People.

Same as we've been trying to do.

History, written by the (Mc)Victors

  For some reason, I recently started for the first time really appreciating history. Until now, but mostly long ago, History had been yet a...