In my teens and 20's, I wanted to look great. 

Into my 30's, I wanted to look really good. 

In my 40's and 50's, I hoped I looked good enough. 

Now in my 60's, I realize no one cares what I look like. 

Well, except maybe me.

Be the change

Not sure which is more upsetting in the bigger picture: 

- the opinions expressed in Harrison Butker's speech 

or 

- people being angry that he has an opinion different from theirs

50 years worth

I have two 50th high school reunions coming up in the next few months and for the one at Westtown, we were asked to write up a page or two summary of key life events of our last 50 years as well as what brings us joy. I put it off a week or two past the deadline for getting it published in the mailing, partially because I kept coming back and editing and adding to it (which I've continued to do here as I remember more things), and partially because I procrastinate. It's what I do.  Now that it's finished, I thought I'd post it here as well, if only since it will be helpful for whomever gets to write my obituary someday. 

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Wow. I know we’re all wondering the same things:

- Where did the time go?

- How did I get here?

- Where is that large automobile?

- This is not my beautiful wife!

And yet no matter how much we, and the world, have changed, things are the Same as it ever was.

(Fun fact: David Byrne’s sister lived on my hall at Earlham my junior year and she drew a beautiful portrait of me for her senior project that she gave to me and that I still have.)

Funny how similar my approach to writing this essay has paralleled my approach to such assignments at Westtown: total procrastination (again - same as it ever was).

The questions for our assignment – Key events in our lives in the past 50 years to shape who we are today and what brings us joy.

The answer to both questions for me, as any (most) of you who have met her will understand, is my wife Cheryl. Not just because she has brought so many cool kids into my life, but because of how amazing a person she is and how much I’ve learned from her over the past 26 years. But since most of them are of an intangible nature, I’ll save that for an in-person discussion for anyone interested, but most all of it falls in the category of: Choose Love.

My key life events since graduation in June, 1974:

 - 4 years at Earlham, graduating early with a Psych degree, writing my 56-page, painfully-typed, senior thesis on Freud’s theory of the Death Instinct

- Still living in the same place where we held the 30^th reunion AND same place I lived when we were all at Westtown

 - Started a career in social work, working with mentally disadvantaged adults until I realized there was little future in it unless I wanted to go to grad school, which I certainly did not

 - Took night accounting classes, leading to a 40-year career as a controller/comptroller/business manager for small, mostly not-for-profit organizations

 - Solo-bicycled 4871 miles cross country the summer of 1982 from San Francisco down to San Diego over to Oklahoma City to up to Chicago and Detroit to Toronto to Vermont and finally, the last day, to Atlantic City after a ride around the field of Veteran’s Stadium before a Sunday afternoon Phillies-Astros game (and was later invited by T. Tony Cassen to do an assembly at Westtown to talk about it)

- Worked 21 years as the statistician for, and, for a few years, studio producer of, the Phila Flyers telecasts – a dream job for me at the time (though now I barely follow the sport at all), frequently running into Barry Hogenauer, Brad Strode, Mile Titone, Pat Comerford and Tim Cronister who were all in somewhat of the same profession – helping with sports telecasts

- Been to 15 countries; 48 of the 50 states; 25 major league baseball stadiums…ok, stadia; 12 NHL/WHA hockey arenas; 4 NFL stadiums/a; and 3 NBA arenas; 1 Super Bowl, countless NBA and NHL and MLB playoff games including the one where the Phillies won their first World Series, though I don’t have a ticket to prove it because I had to bribe a guard to get in

- Have eaten french fries in France, hominy grits in Hominy, Oklahoma, saw Frank Sinatra sing Chicago in…Chicago, went to Live Aid, and have seen Springsteen in concert many, many times, including my first time which was on my 24^th birthday, and more significantly, the day after John Lennon was shot

- Have had interactions and/or conversations, some brief, some extended, with Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon, James Carville, Andrea Mitchell, Keith Olbermann, David Brooks, Mike Schmidt, Bobby Clarke (along with most of the Flyers’ Broad Street Bullies, mostly from playing on their Alumni softball team), Cory Booker, Dereck Lively, Livingston Taylor, Julius Erving, Bob Uecker, Chuck Barris, Dave Barry, Gordie Howe, Meg Ryan (at Westtown!), Carol Alt, Cate Blanchett, Tony Lake, Chuck Barris, Josh Shapiro, and Bobby Orr

- Very involved in local politics, helping turn Chester County from deep red to having Dems elected pretty much across the board (Spoiler: it wasn’t just me) and serving occasionally as a Dem Committee Person and presently as an elected township auditor

- Married Cheryl in July, 2001, in Acadia National Park, bringing two amazing daughters – Elissa and Evelyn – with her into my life. And since then, Liss and her partner Eduardo, whom she met while both working on the Obama campaign in Florida, have brought two more amazing kids into our lives – Athena and Atticus, as Ev has also brought her awesome husband Brian to us.

- Have a blog full of random observations: https://jmcvickar.blogspot.com/

- Cheryl and I then had two more children – Trevor and Alex (Westtown, class of 2022). Trev, now engaged to the ever-cool Taylor, majored in Film at Penn State and is hoping for a career in that industry. Alex is their second year at Hampshire College.

- Hosted a 17-year-old, Ammar, from Baghdad in 2007, theoretically for 1 year, but with the help of many people, including two teachers at Westtown – John McKinstry (Beppy’s brother) and Karen Gallagher, he stayed past the date he had told the US State Department he would leave. After a year at the local public school, John and Karen got him into Westtown for his senior year, graduating in 2009. He is now a board-certified doctor (our son, the doctor!), is married to Janet, an amazing woman from Bangladesh. As of earlier this year, they have a beautiful son named Luka.

- Ammar’s brother Human and their parents, Ebtesam and Jaffar are now here too, headed for citizenship as well. They are an indescribably wonderful family.

- An active member of Downingtown Friends meeting for all of my 67 years, serving on Pastoral Care, Finance, Nominating, as Treasurer, and I don’t even remember what all.

- Served on the Board, eventually as President, at West Chester Friends School

- Chaperoned two groups of Quaker teens to Russia (trips in 1990 and 1991) and Pine Ridge Native American Indian reservation (2019ish?)

- (for those still reading…) Was fired in 2019 from my last job as Controller after 18 years, when my bosses found out that I had forwarded incriminating evidence regarding a certain former President to the New York Attorney General and the Washington Post.

- More or less retired soon thereafter, though I’m now substitute teaching at the local public school 2-3 times a week and am enjoying it so much, I find myself occasionally wondering if I could start my career path all over again!

- Still playing 60-90 minute pickup soccer games 3 times a week, where in two of the weekly games, I am the oldest player. It doesn’t always show!

I think that’s a complete enough list of my life’s key events. Things that bring me joy? Family, for sure, both birth and with Cheryl, including my extended family. My close friends of many decades, including Mike, Jim, Dave, Martin, Dennis (RIP) and so many others, particularly through Downingtown Friends Meeting. Politics has replaced sports as my passion, though baseball still brings me great joy. Being retired has certainly been one of the greatest joys of my life. I recommend it highly!

I am so grateful for my Westtown experience and in some ways even more so, getting to know so many of you way better and more than I did in our, in my case, three years of living together.  You are a special bunch. I’m sure you were then too, and I regret not trying to get to know you better back then.

There! Assignment complete…a few days late.

Same as it ever was.

 

 

 

 

 

This is US

Interesting column in a recent Washington Post where the author asked people to condense their thoughts on race or cultural identity into six words. 

Here are mine:

My fellow Democrats: You're obsessed. Stop. 

or

We = We. Please stop We/They

What are yours?

Glory Days

My friend Harry Bryans emailed me yesterday commenting on this Jayson Stark column on the amazing play Chase Utley made in the 2008 World Series. This is part of the email I wrote him back, that I am posting here for posterity:

For many years in our 30's, my buddy (since 5th grade) Jim Daly and I used to play in a co-ed softball league. (And we took it a little too seriously sometimes, I'm now willing to admit. Adam Bratis actually saw me provoke a bench-clearing brawl - true story - when I slid too hard in the other team's catcher.) Jim was, and in some respects is still, a very good athlete. Jim played shortstop in the J-Roll way - not many spectacular plays but incredibly dependable - made every throw right on the money. I, on the other hand, was very undependable at third base, but they kind of tried to hide me there, particularly because in co-ed softball, there were so many baserunners, I often only had to touch my base or throw home or to second, which was almost the max distance for my candy arm. But the reason for telling all this, is that to Jim's horror, I was always trying plays like Utley's, like dropping popups and line drives on purpose to try to get double plays or to force a faster runner at a base to allow the slower batter to get on (still drives me crazy when major leaguers don't think of that.) My favorite was when there was a runner on second base who I knew was particularly (like me), aggressive on the bases, I had a play pre-set with our second baseman that if the batter grounded one to me, I would fake a throw to first, knowing the runner on second would take off for third, and our 2B would sneak in behind him and we'd throw behind him to get him out. 

(If you haven't already, you can stop reading here, the rest is as much for my own enjoyment in remembering and telling it as it is intended for you to enjoy it) My favorite story semi-related is that one time I was on first base and Jim grounded a single to centerfield. I saw the CFer taking his time fielding it (we couldn't take leads), so I rounded second and headed for third and slid in safely. Jim, seeing this, rounded first and took off for second where the third baseman threw and where Jim slid in safely. I, seeing this, got up at third and headed home, where I slid in safely...and you know the rest, Jim, seeing this, took off for third where the catcher threw the ball over the third baseman's head and Jim scored standing up. He and I go to at least one game a year together and have recounted the tale as often as we can find reason to fit it in. I think our wives even know the story by heart by now. (Side note - even though Jim and I met as students at Owen J Roberts, his wife Leigh and I first met in Kindergarten at...Downingtown Friends School. She was a cutie even then. :-) )

Thanks for hanging in and giving me a chance to tell that story again!

Plus ca change, plus ca meme chose? Just not much sign of the change part

Interesting conversation with a young (20ish) voter last night when I questioned her lack of enthusiasm for Joe Biden in the upcoming election even though she is a clear liberal/progressive.

When I asked why she found it hard to support him, her main thrust was not about his age, per se, but about his being part of the old guard, wanting to do things the way they've always been done, in a capitalist system young people don't trust or value. And she understands some of the appeal for Donald Trump, despite being almost as old, in that he wants to shake things up or, more excitingly, blow things up. 

I told her that reminded me of us when we were her age when Richard Nixon represented all that was evil and wrong with the world. He was the epitome of what we called The Establishment. Totally resistant to any kind of change or accepting that things were way out of whack, the country wasn't going in the wrong direction - it wasn't going in any new direction that would right the wrongs of racism, sexism, big business, and most specifically, that would get us out of war, in this case, Vietnam. (All complaints today's young voters might have.)

She also referenced Biden's carte blanche support of Israel's genocide in Gaza as evidence of how stuck in the past he is, when clearly that is the wrong policy.

I told her that her answer fascinated me, both because I found it incredibly illuminating, but also because the answer didn't include any references to climate change or college debt, to which she replied: "Oh, I wasn't done!"

The uncommitted vote in November might come down to their walking into the voting booth on election day and picturing waking up the day after the election and considering which scenario scares them more. 

 It seems unfair for me to just list, as I did a few days ago, the things I wish the media, and more importantly our government, would spend less time on, without also listing that which I wish they'd give more attention to, so here ya go:

- Universal health care

- Affordable housing; finding places for unsheltered people to live with dignity

- Universal basic income, in JamieWorld, replacing all welfare of every kind

- Good news, as shown at this amazing website on a weekly basis

- Fair funding of education

- Laws to increase gun safety

- Reducing college debt but on a grander scale, free college, starting with community colleges

- Pathways to citizenship for those wanting to immigrate here

Most importantly, promoting love instead of war. Moving toward a foreign policy where we help other countries with anything but weapons. Working as a peacemaker to bring people together instead of arming them to fight each other. Helping people around the world improve their lives when we are requested by them to do so.

This was a great article listing all the ways war has failed not just the USA, but any countries involved in them.