Oh, what a lucky man

I wrote this a few weeks ago but didn't want to post it until I let some time go by so I could think about it some more and to see if my feelings would change. Spoiler alert - they didn't:

21 years ago almost to the day, in August of 1998, Cheryl moved in to my house in Thorndale with her two awesome daughters, Elissa, age 12 and Evelyn, age 5.  And on that day, my life would change forever. My bachelorhood ended and my life as I always imagined and fervently hoped it would become, began.

Two years later, Trevor was born, and at some point, I remember telling Cheryl that coming home from work each day, and opening the door to that house, felt like Dorothy opening her door to Munchkinland, not because of the size of the inhabitants, and not because of the gingham dress and sparkly ruby slippers I was usually wearing, but because I was moving from my very satisfying, if often uneventful, dare I say dull, life of black and white, into a world of color, imagination, surprises, entertainment...and unconditional love, given and received.

Eventually that crazy world grew to include Alex and Ammar and even for 5 years, my mom, accompanied by her sticky dementia and her even stronger unconditional love for all of us.

This morning and continuing to next Monday, when we drop Alex off to board at Westtown, ended the best 21 years of my life, certainly so far. Not because it won't still be amazing in an entirely new way, as I get to know Cheryl better than I ever have, as we have both been so looking forward to this time for, well, 21 years, but because my favorite word in the entire English language is...Dad.

It was so rough when Liss was the first to go, shortly after Ammar came into our lives. Then a year later Mom passed away. Then Evie left a few years after that and that was hard too, missing her energy, humor and joy. So it's been an ongoing adjustment, missing those lives I so loved being a part of each day. But now, with the house soon to be totally empty of kids, it feels like the drop-off to Penn State and Westtown is more like our drop-off into a crevice.

The house will feel emptier. The memories and the love will bounce and echo off the walls, and I will make a point of remembering to absorb all of it for all my days to come.

...and loving it.

Now...on to enjoy Cheryl like I never have before. It's not a comparison of a house full versus just the two of us. It's two truly amazing life experiences. We have so many things we feel like we can do together now that we haven't been able to fully before. We even have a list.

Who is the luckiest guy ever? That's right. This guy.

Indeed - and much thanks to my readers to such an extent and for their convene as well!

I find myself often torn (Have you ever found yourself? Other maybe than when you was lost? Have you ever been torn? Gosh I hope not.) between wanting more people to see my posts (validation, after all!) and wishing I didn't know if anyone read them, or who read them, so I could write ever more freely about my often wacky and revealing (oh - the intrigue!) thoughts.

Other than from devoted reader Becca, I rarely get any comments on here, and since there is no "like" function, it's entirely possible that the handful of people who have signed up to see my posts the day they are written via auto-email actually are horrified by what they read and go by the dictum (Dictum?! Hell, I damn near killed him!) that if you can't say anything nice, you should keep your damn mouth shut/keep your fingers off the keyboard.

But there are some incredibly supportive comments that I have heretofore (And just how far is it from heretofore?!) not posted, surely completely out of sheer modesty.

Some examples:

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"Very attractive theme of your blog and i have have learn your blog"  (I'm not entirely sure Becca didn't write that comment too.)

And my favorite: When Incitatus faced south, his north end had no choice. Cankles has a choice"!  (oh, please - Don't leave us hanging here - what end did Cankles choose?!)

But seriously folks - thanks for reading. I have fun here, even though my posts have slacked off over the past year or so. I have a number of them lined up for the next week or two, so I hope you find them beneficial, informative, interesting, important and very attractive.