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Of Politics, Sports and Sex

OK, so there won't be a LOT on here about sex, but tell the truth, that's most of the reason you entered this site, right? So, I'll slip some things in from time to time just to keep you coming...back.

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Thursday, September 13, 2012

If you like to watch, this site's for you

As often seems to happen in journalism, this article waits until the final line to get to the bigger point, so I'll show it here before you go and read the story, which is about an older woman who started a web page where you can pay $5 to watch people having "normal" sex, which frankly, I have surprisingly little interest in doing, watching sex, that is, not doing it (and for the record, even less interest in watching people having abnormal sex!):

“The issue I’m tackling is not porn,” she said. “It’s the complete lack of open, healthy dialogue around porn and sex.”

Now here's the article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/09/fashion/cindy-gallops-online-effort-to-promote-real-not-porn-fed-sex.html?_r=2&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20120909

I like to say that the answer to the huge majority of the letters to Dear Abby is one of two pieces of advice, only one of which Abby ever gives. The one she frequently correctly gives is to recommend counseling, usually marital counseling.

The answer she rarely gives but should in so many examples, almost daily, is to people who describe a bad interaction they had or are having or are frequently having with someone. My advice: Try just sitting down with the person and talking about it. It isn't easy, but it is usually for the best.

Same here with sex. She explains how so few of the younger men she "meets" (read: as sex with)  know how to have sex in any way except from what they've learned watching porn, and I'm sure there's some truth to that. I'd submit (so to speak) however that even more of what they are doing is just from what comes naturally (pun unintentionally intended), which is to mount, pound, explode and then return to watching the game.

It is no reflection on the poor young, inexperienced male that they don't know any better. (It may, however, be a reflection of bad, or a complete lack of, advice from the boy's dad, but that's a somewhat separate issue.) What is needed is just raw, somewhat uncomfortable, but extremely fulfilling conversation with one's partner(s) about what feels good, what works, what doesn't and what to try next time.

But of course, like every single example I've ever challenged myself with, sex is definitely easier said than done. On the contrary, in a similar comparison of saying vs doing, doing it is oh-so-much-easier than talking about it.

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