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Of Politics, Sports and Sex

OK, so there won't be a LOT on here about sex, but tell the truth, that's most of the reason you entered this site, right? So, I'll slip some things in from time to time just to keep you coming...back.

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Thursday, February 9, 2012

And anyway, sometimes you just need to sleep, watch a movie or hit facebook!

A lot of ways I can go with this, found on HuffingtonPost:

The widely-held notion that women lose interest in sex after marriage has officially been debunked, according to a recent survey. The findings, which were released Tuesday by, an online news source for women, suggest that 75 percent of wives said a healthy sex life is important to them.
"This research sets the record straight: married women definitely value good sex in their relationships," said Liz Zack, editorial director of Love and Sex at iVillage.

Wahooooo! All is again right with the world! (Disclaimer: Not that I/we have ever had even an occasional doubt about that in our marriage.) Oh, but wait:

But despite the fact that most married women value sex, the survey found that two thirds would rather do something other than get it on, such as go to the spa, watch a movie, use Facebook or chat with friends. The 2010 iVillage sex survey found similar results, with more than 63 percent of women reporting that they would rather sleep, watch a movie or read than have sex.

Damn it!

So what gets wives in the mood? This year's survey revealed that having a spouse express loving feelings is more likely to rev up a woman's libido than receiving a gift or seeing her partner in sexy clothes.

Ah, forget it, too much work. I'd rather watch SportsCenter.


OK, jokes aside...go back to that first paragraph and see if you can find the single most important word in the whole thing. Go ahead, I'll wait. And while you're looking, I'll say this. I remember talking with an ex-girlfriend about 20 years ago about this subject. She, a single woman in her late 20's, early 30's (I think) worked in an insurance agency in West Chester where almost all of her co-workers were married men, most of them fairly young - in their 20's and 30's and from what she could tell, the sex life for them was almost non-existent in their marriages. This seemed to shock them, since they were under the widely held notion among young males that one of the main reasons to get married is that you can then have sex anytime you want.

The more she talked with them about it, and the more amazed they were that she loved sex, since their wives obviously hated it and had only done it with them when they were single in order to trap them into marriage, the more she realized that the reason their wives hated it wasn't because of the wives, but because of the husbands.

The guys never came to realize that although men and women love sex, they, for the most part, like it for different reasons. For women, it's much more about the emotional than the physical than it is for men. Just to pick percentages out of mid-air, I'd say it's 65/35 emotional/physical for women and more like 15/85 for men. I know the physical is crucial for women too, and this is another area where men are at a disadvantage. Men are so damn simple, physically and emotionally. There is no such thing as bad sex to a guy. Some is better than others, but there is no bad. Though women like an occasional quickie too, from what I've heard, read and experienced, there needs to a lot more that is long and slow and is not just sex, but sexy. And the physical stimulation for a guy to give a woman is far more mysterious and slow than it needs to be for a woman to give a guy.

There is way more at play here than this, and I think I'm pretty safe in saying this is not PC at all, actually probably none of this post is, but I really believe that a main need for women is to feel desired. Not that men don't too - I know I sure do, but I think it's stronger for women, and whether that is biological or society-driven, I have no idea or theory on it.

Oh, so the one most important word in that first paragraph? "Good".

1 comment:

  1. I hate to be the first one to leave a comment about this; but even though I'm a very senior citizen, I miss terribly having a sex partner ...and it is such an important subject to me that I will comment anyway and wave off all the belly laughs at my expense. Yes, "good" is the most important word...I agree...and I can't imagine that such a large percentage of married women would prefer FB or a movie to good sex!! There is nothing in the world better than frequent good sex between a loving couple! Unfortunately, too many men have little or no knowledge of what turns a woman on, what keeps her turned on, what constitutes her satisfaction, and how to do all of that so that she wants to come back for more. Many men need instructions in female anatomy, for one thing. Others think she's there simply for their pleasure, not her own. I think the major difference in sexual attitudes between men and women is that men want sex while women need love. Women see sex as the expression of their men's love, but as Jamie so succinctly puts it, "there is no such thing as bad sex for a guy", so for most women, if the sex is simply for the physical sensations without love attached, she's going to feel "used" and lose interest. It's hard for me to imagine anyone - male or female - not wanting good sex, but it takes exquisitely sensitive communication to make it fantastic!